So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
