Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
