I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
