He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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