dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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