I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
