I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
