Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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