my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
