Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
