You're completely useless in the revolution.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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