Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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