Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
