do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
