and you said cock pushups were impossible
We named our party play list daddy issues
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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