I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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