I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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