Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
