Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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