It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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