I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
