I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
