Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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