I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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