I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
