I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
