So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
