Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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