I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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