Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
