Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
