I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
