3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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