I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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