if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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