i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
