Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
