walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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