Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
