I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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