she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
