On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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