if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize