My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
