You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
