this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
