There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
