i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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