I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
