1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Life is so much better after having sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
