his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
