Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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