I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
