I wish I only lived at night.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
