i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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