Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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