He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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