I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
