I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
