Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
