You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
