I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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