At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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