I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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