Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize