Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
