i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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