I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
